I know when I come back the first question they are going to ask is, what did you do? And I will have no answer. I don't want to rummage through the memories, picking the finest or the most convenient. What they wont ask, is why did I do it? That answer is more simple. The day God exiled Cain, he also exiled a part of himself. Years in advance my exile was planned. The necessity for displacement, a way in which one fragmented whole could reconfigure itself, recharge and upgrade. The exiled God is even less tangible than God himself, the part that God banished along with Cain in a sense returned, was given another chance to test out the nature of man, I needed a second chance to improve my understanding of patience. I needed to be stripped of comfort, left slipping like Bambi on the icy streets of Dublin, fumbling, falling, losing the center, losing the whole, flailing to grip a pole or gate, but only grabbing the frozen air. I needed to learn what happens after you grab for the empty.
importance of writing reflections when researching for essays...essays on medieval dream visions and self-exile. whomp, whomp.
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